Patterson's Pitter Patter

A Whisper That Grew to a Roar

2011-05-29T09:10:00.008-04:00

A whisper. A soft, subtle voice.
There was a whisper that was told last week that changed me –and when I found out the source of the whisper – it made me mad, it made me revengeful, it made me loose sleep, it made me question my employment. Even a whisper can cause damage.
This whisper was allowed to grow. It didn’t have to. It didn’t have to take on the voice of a lion. It didn’t have to roar. But it did – because it was allowed to. Without a second thought – this whisper has put a chip in my reputation. You can put the chip back, but there will always be the reminder that your reputation has been compromised. There will always be a small crack, a small broken piece that will serve as a signal.
People act like this isn’t a big deal for the ‘truth will be told’. Yes, but after the fact. After the whisper was given voice to roar. The hell with my character, the hell with my reputation, the hell with my work performance and the hell with me. There was 24 hours to find the source of truth (or untruth as is in this case)before this whisper had to be shared. But they didn’t. They took that whisper and gave it a voice. A voice that has damaged my reputation.
I was raised to be a person of integrity. This was important to my parents and I pray it is important to my children. When my time here is complete; my character, my choices, my integrity is what I hope to be remembered by.
That whisper that was given the opportunity to grow last week hurt me to my core. No wait, it wasn't the whisper that hurt, it was the response. I truly believe it did not need to be voiced in the manner in which it was. People that I have been associated with for years heard this whisper. People that I respect, and people that respected me. My character, my reputation, my integrity were called into question.
I hope I learn something from this. When faced with adversity I try to find out the ‘why’. When I went through the divorce; I learned not to judge broken marriages as couples ‘just giving up’. I realized some people do work hard to make them work, and that it isn’t always as cut and dried as I used to think. When I went through cancer; I learned that as ugly as this disease is – it can invade my body, but it can not defeat me unless I give it the power to do so. There are people like Joannie; who although lost her battle with cancer, showed me how to confront it with grace and dignity.
So maybe this is another lesson. It took awhile for me to 'get' the lesson on the two examples just shared. All I know, I hurt. All I know, I have lost some energy. All I know, I have lost some faith.
Some of you know what I am going through personally right now. I hate this time of year with a passion that can not be defined. I relive "The Great Sadness" as it is charactized in The Shack. Every year I say 'not this year' . . . but it still haunts me. It starts May 22nd; Dad's birthday. Then May 29th when I remember saying goodbye to Joannie because I had to go back to Seymour so that on May 31st I could have lumps removed from my breast. Two days later (June 2nd) Joannie said goodbye to us. Then on June 6th - I relive Dad's death, and not being able to be there to say goodbye to him. I had been by his side for three day weekends for two months, and he died on a Thursday eve. I was heading up the next morning - I missed saying goodbye. We buried him the week of Father's Day. I want to get past this. I want to move on - I want to get past this "The Great Sadness" I have allowed to breed within me. Nine years have come and gone since Dad passed away, and six since Joannie. I need to move on. I prayed on Sunday, May 22nd that God would find something to help fill this void I am struggling with. God - if this was your 'filler' - if this was your idea to take my mind off other things; you did a poor job. You over estimated me. This didn't do it - only makes it hurt more.
Prayers accepted. Prayers for direction, prayers for peace, prayers for acceptance, prayers that this whisper fades. It won't die, to late for that, but maybe it can fade away.
Thanks for listening,
Loretta

a proud mom

2011-03-29T20:45:00.003-04:00

Today my oldest son, Josh texted me. He unexpectedly received a promotion and raise. He was excited. I am a proud mom. Josh loves what he does for a living - drafting. He is the Manager of the Drafting dept for SpaceGuard in Seymour, the youngest to be hired into this position. He is now over a few departments. (Still trying to find out what all this job entails) He loves where he's at. Not just with work - but with life. He's happily married, has a wonderful son with his second child on the way. I thought he was to young to take on any of this - but should have known. I think he was born with a mustache! Josh was always mature, and he always knew what he wanted. When he was 10 and his dad left, he told Josh "you're the man of the house and you need to step up" - this was said to a 10 year old! Josh took his dad seriously and for the next 6 years was afraid to be a child. I was thrilled when he turned 16 and started acting like a 16 year old. Strange words from a mother of a 16 year old - but I meant them. He was/is an amazing child (no matter how old he may be). I am very proud of him.
Earlier this month, my youngest (who is no means like his brother!) started working for StoneBelt. I was a bit concerned - but his point is "It's a good job while I finish up school". JT grew up around people with disabilities; served as a mentor in high school to a young man with a disability, JT along with Josh became buddies with a couple of men in a local group home and they would go play pool with them, and take them to Poplar Street on occasion. When he went off to Vincennes he along with a couple of fraternity brothers went to the Dean and started a "Best Buddies" program at Vincennes. JT and Randy are still good friends - JT went down and spent a day with Randy just a couple of weeks ago and looks forward to going to Randy's graduation in a couple of months. JT is outgoing and such an encourager - he really is good working with people.
Today though, I saw him in action and he made me proud. I was able to observe him feeding a guy in our Day Program; Bobby. JT was feeding Bobby and between bites was carrying on a conversation with him. Bobby is pretty much non-verbal - but his eyes said so much. You could tell he was enjoying spending the time with JT. He was laughing and just had a sparkle in his eye. This didn't surprise me - this is the son I know. But what came next touched me. JT took a napkin, reached over and wiped Bobbie's face, and Bobby stretched out his hand and JT took it and shook Bobby's hand. Dignity - such a little thing, but unfortunately not displayed enough in the lives of our Bobbys. JT didn't know that I saw what took place - but my heart swelled. I wasn't sure if I could handle JT working for the agency I worked for - but I now know that the Bobbys we work with are better because he does. I am a proud mom.
Today I was able to experience that pride twice. I am a lucky Mom and today I loved my boys as much as a Mom could.

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year!

2010-11-25T19:39:00.003-05:00

Every year around this time, I have a familiar experience. I’m out shopping, and I’ll go through the checkout line, and pay for my stuff. When the cashier hands me back the change, they’ll say “Happy holidays,” or perhaps even “Merry Christmas.”
I realize that this comment is not always motivated by the cashier’s genuine interest in whether or not I enjoy my holiday. I’m aware that they may be saying this because they’ve been told to. I can envision the memo from Wal- mart corporate headquarters directing cashiers when to switch from “Have a nice day” to “Happy Holidays,” on the assumption that this will somehow help cement a lasting bond between the store and the customer that won’t evaporate when a Meijer’s opens across the street.
I’m aware of all that, and suspicious of the whole business. But at least once every year, I have a cashier who looks me in the eye and says “Merry Christmas,” and really means it. And it changes my whole day.
There really is something genuine to this whole idea of Christmas cheer. As Dec. 25th draws near, people warm up just a bit. If you’re out and around as Christmas Day approaches, you’ll notice that people are friendlier than any other time of the year. Maybe they realize the waiting is almost over.
People warm up when they are mindful of the Christ child’s birth, and make an extra effort to practice the virtues the angels sing of - “peace on earth, goodwill towards men.”
But consider this - why do we notice this more at Christmastime? Why does this surge in warmheartedness stand out? I think it’s because, despite our best intentions, good will towards men can easily become a seasonal event rather than a standing policy.
When Christ entered our world, he didn’t come to brighten our Decembers, but to transform our lives. It can be hard work to practice good will towards one another, we all have someone that we struggle to share good will with. Let's face it - some people aren't all that lovable. But John the Baptist’s message was that as we prepare for Christ to come into our lives, we can change our ways.
The Gospel accounts of Jesus’ ministry provide the blueprint for loving our neighbor in a busy and complicated neighborhood. Christ made a point of seeking out the broken and disenfranchised people of his day - the lepers, prostitutes and tax collectors - and he saw the value in each one of them. And in so doing, He helped them recognize the value in themselves.
This Christmas season, it will be my wish that we recognize that just as faith is a decision, good will towards people is a series of decisions that work themselves out not in temporary holiday cheer, but in the details of everyday life. Wouldn't that make a wonderful CHRISTmas!

A Child Shall Lead Them ...

2010-10-22T20:10:00.009-04:00

I had an interesting evening with my youngest son the other night. Now, JT is the son that my own mother is fond of saying is "the child I deserved", and you might be surprised to know it was not a compliment! JT simply enjoyed being 'all boy'. He was my challenge, and there is a lot of me to be found in JT. He has my sense of humor and he has my heart, and I love him dearly.
Don't get me wrong - he is the root cause (pun intended) for most of my gray hairs. But I too have been the source of a migraine or two to him. I am the one that showed up at an All-Star baseball practice to 'assist' in umpiring - as RoHo, my alter-ego. I am the one that suspended his cellphone when he would not respond to my calls for four hours, only to find him asleep in his room due to a horrible migraine. I am the one that made him wait 'til morning before I picked him up from jail, only to find out from the arresting officer that JT hadn't been drinking but was only with a crowd that had been. But the most memorable was our trip to the local tire store when I spoke before thinking and embarrassed the poor guy to death.
JT simply enjoys being with family and friends and making the most of each opportunity. He is passionate about what his future holds - having a degree in Fire Science and Arson Investigation and now working toward a degree in Homeland Security. Somewhere in the past couple of years JT has grown up. Somewhere in the past couple of years JT has matured. Somewhere in the past couple of years JT has become not only my son, but my friend. The other night my friend JT became a counselor - to me, his mother.
It had been a rough couple of days. An incident occurred at work that caused me to consider if what I do matters. Someone in a position of trust compromised that trust, and left individuals we serve violated. I am not going to go into details but I was left feeling disgruntled, lost, and a bit troubled. JT was home on fall break and we were finally able to have some time alone before he headed back to school. A suspicion I been mulling was confirmed, and it made me mad. It made me ill, it made me vengeful. Individuals that place trust in me and others had that trust compromised, yet they are unaware. They keep on trusting. 'What's my role' was the question I placed on JT.
Both of my sons have been active with Habitat for Humanity; working on many houses to turn them into homes. JT reminded me of a quote by Millard Fuller, the Founder of Habitat for Humanity: “I see life as both a gift and a responsibility. My responsibility is to use what God has given me to help his people in need." I believe my responsibility is to encourage and challenge individuals to be a part of their community. I believe this is what God has asked me to do. But this evening in particular I was feeling a sense of failure, like I had let the individuals that placed their trust in me down.
I guess I was questioning if going back into social service was right; JT told me that he has seen me become the person (not just a Mom) that he knew when I was with another company. That I love what I do and that I need to remember I do it because I enjoy breaking down barriers for individuals that may not be able to, or just need a bit of guidance on how to. In just a week or so I will have been with StoneBelt one year, and I have felt satisfied and enjoyed who I've worked for - as an agency, as well as with co-workers and consumers. But, that night with JT I felt defeated. Was there something I could have/should have done to ensure that our consumers who are vulnerable are not taken advantage of? Did I fall short in my position to see that the trust consumers placed in me wasn't honorable? I am dishearten to find that people placed in a position of trust react in such an unethical manner. JT simply reminded me that 'this is what you do Mom - you advocate for the Brads and Roberts' (two individual he and Josh mentored while I was with DSI). 'You can't help it, this is what you do' he said and then 'you tried something else and you had a job - but you lost your passion and you wanted to get back to this line of work'.
When did this child mature to the individual I enjoyed being with the other night? When did this child I raised start counseling his mother? When will I understand the child I love is a young man capable of being a pillar of support for me? I needed someone to confirm that I may not always do the right thing ... but I am doing the right thing.
JT - you are one of my heroes and I love you!

Our Labor

2010-09-06T11:40:00.004-04:00

Matthew 7:12 (The Message)
12"Here is a simple, rule-of-thumb guide for behavior: Ask yourself what you want people to do for you, then grab the initiative and do it for them. Add up God's Law and Prophets and this is what you get.

Today is Labor Day. My reward? I'm working - but not until later this afternoon. Because of my working; a co-worker is able to travel home and spend the long weekend with family. How could I say 'no'? I have to set an example; for my family and for those I work for and with. If I want others to treat me with favor - it is only right and fair that I do the same.

I saw Anderson Cooper (of CNN) give an interview recently, and in it he responded to a question regarding the best advice his mother (Gloria Vanderbilt) ever gave him. He said that she advised him to follow his bliss and the money would come. He had a dream to be a reporter and he now anchors each weeknight with his own news show. My 'bliss', what I gain satisfaction from; is knowing that each day I work with the girls in their home I am called to be a role model. I am called to teach; to be an example. If I don't treat others with respect or equality, I not only let myself and God down - I let the girls down. If I don't treat others with respect or equality I have let an opportunity for them to grow and learn slip away. An opportunity that may not come to pass again. So, today I will labor. I will go and take advantage of the day to teach them something. What? I don't know - but I do know that if I go grudgingly they will know it. So, I will go with a good attitude and make the most of the day.

I don’t know what your 'bliss' might be, but I urge you to find a calling in life and attach it to your work. Whether you have a job and wish you didn’t, or don’t have one and wish you did, or if you wish you had different people to work with or report to, the dailyness of your workplace can become a mental drag if you don’t choose to see it as a place of purpose and mission.

Be true to what you believe your purpose is.

Colossians 3:22-25 {(The Message)I have fallen in love with The Message}
Servants, do what you're told by your earthly masters. And don't just do the minimum that will get you by. Do your best. Work from the heart for your real Master, for God, confident that you'll get paid in full when you come into your inheritance. Keep in mind always that the ultimate Master you're serving is Christ. The sullen servant who does shoddy work will be held responsible. Being a follower of Jesus doesn't cover up bad work.

I like that last verse: 'Being a follower of Jesus doesn't cover up bad work.' If I go with malice or with resentment in my heart today - I will have bad work and a bad day. Just because I am a follower of Jesus doesn't give me the right to do bad work; indeed it only gives me the responsibility to serve with a gracious heart. I chose to work today. But whether I had or not - I will work with a positive attitude because my work is my bliss. I really do enjoy what I do. Therein lies the definition of 'bliss'.

Noticing Things

2010-08-22T13:33:00.004-04:00

I am a people watcher ... I love to figure them out, try to figure out what they are thinking, who they are with, what is their story. I love to 'notice' things about people. I don't think it's a gift - just something I enjoy doing.

I have fallen in love with the author Andy Andrews. He can’t write fast enough for me. Such a wonderful storyteller; which is why I prefer to buy his books on CD and listen to him read the books to me. Recently I had a friend return “The Noticer”, in my opinion one of his better stories. I thought ‘I am going to ‘re-read’ or ‘re-listened’ to it as soon as I can. The book is about a mysterious old man named Jones—just Jones, no mister—who shows up in the lives of people in crisis. Jones brings the gift of perspective—he notices alternative ways to think about things. Some of what he says is common sense: like “yes sir” works better than “I guess”. Some of what he says counters received wisdom: like “do sweat the small stuff, because little things can make a big difference as surely as brushstrokes make up a masterpiece”. Oh – the book is so full of these little bits of wisdom.

I just returned home from “Women of Faith” in Indianapolis yesterday evening. Andy Andrews was one of the speakers! I fell in love all over again with this man. I couldn’t lean close enough. There I was on the edge of my seat listening to this author I have found to be such an incredible storyteller. He spoke of the butterfly effect and how our purpose begins when we realize everything matters. That when we live a life of permanent purpose … team chemistry will thrive. Life decisions become wiser and more cautious. As leaders, managers, co-workers – as a parent, grandparent, friend – when we actually realize that every action matters - then every result of our actions immediately improves. And deciding to do something will make all the difference. There are generations yet to be born whose lives will be shaped by the actions we make today – and tomorrow. We have been created to make a difference in not only our own lives, but in the lives of those we come in contact with. Our lives, our decisions, our actions of today will matter forever. I understand more fully the impact of this as we are on the verge of celebrating Collin’s first birthday. What I do here and now will affect his future. I hope I am more conscious of this in my actions from this point on.

I mentioned that a friend recently returned “The Noticer” CD to me. Last evening I went outside and put the headphones on and ‘re-listened’ to it. Yes – the whole four hours …. It was after 2:00 when I got to sleep! But I was enthralled with what Andy Andrews was telling me (for I felt he was speaking to me alone). When things look the darkest to people in this book - a mysterious man named Jones has a miraculous way of showing up. An elderly man with white hair, of indiscriminate age and race, wearing blue jeans, a white T-shirt and leather flip flops carrying a battered old suitcase, Jones is a unique soul. Communicating what he calls "a little perspective," Jones explains that he has been given a gift of noticing things that others miss. "Your time on this earth is a gift to be used wisely," he says. "Don't squander your words or your thoughts. Consider even the simplest action you take, for your lives matter beyond measure…and they matter forever." Jones speaks to that part in everyone that is yearning to understand why things happen and what we can do about it.
One of my favorite Jones “wisdom” is when he is speaking with a young gentleman “four seagulls sitting on a pier, one of them decides to fly away. How many are left?” The gentleman gives the same answer we would “three”. Jones says “no – four. The one only made the decision to fly away, he didn’t actually fly away,” His point is that we have to do more than make the decision, we must act on our decisions.

There is no doubt I am going to matter in someone’s life, that my actions will shape the lives of my children’s and my grandchildren’s. I know this because I have been shaped by my grandmother Rose and by my parents. This book has become a valuable reminder of that fact. So - it is my decision to act now to make sure that my legacy to those that I meet is that I acted on my decisions – if I said I would do it – I did it. I want it to be said I was a positive influence on their lives, and I made a difference. It will be my goal.
Thanks for letting me ramble …

FYI … interested in borrowing my CD “The Noticer”? Make the decision to ask then take to action to listen. What a great perspective Jones will bring to you.

A Pleasant Reminder

2010-08-10T18:42:00.005-04:00

Last evening I was reminded why I chose to return to the field of work I had been doing for so many years. It was a year ago that I made the conscience decision that the time was right. When I left in November of 2006 from my previous job I was dejected. I was in a position where many hours was the norm/expectation. I don’t mind long hours – I enjoy what I do, my children are older so I have the time to commit, and I appreciate a challenge. But when your hard work, your dedication isn’t appreciated and you are feeling that no matter what you did it wasn’t good enough … well then it’s time to leave. So, I did. I admit how I left wasn’t the best decision I’ve made – but leaving was.

Fast forward three years: November 2009. I saw an opportunity to be a part of a company that I had come to respect when working with my former employer. In fact, part of problem I had with my supervisor back then was because of a stance I took in supporting Stonebelt. It wasn’t the straw that broke the camel’s back … but it did put a mighty strain on it. I was thrilled to be a part of the Stonebelt team. I saw an opportunity to do what I love doing: inspiring confidence in individuals that they can work, live and be active participates in their community.

Recently I have had more of an active presence in the home of two women. These women have been taught all about their rights as people with a disability, but they lack the confidence and as I have figured out lately, the knowledge to participate actively in their community of Columbus, Indiana. I admit, I wasn’t overly thrilled with the placement of being in the home. But I will not bow to a challenge and who knows – maybe this is one of the reasons God saw fit to place me there – to bring these ladies to a more acceptable position within their community. Like I said, these women know their rights – and they will tell you what they are! But they haven’t had someone show and explain other people’s rights. The right to privacy, to respect, to tolerance – the same rights they demand. It’s a long road, nothing will change overnight. But there are signs already popping up, and I a proud to be a part of the team that is gearing these women in the right direction.

Last evening was an opportunity to celebrate accomplishments made by individuals that are associated with Stonebelt. It was a pleasure to sit there and see the excitement, the energy, the pride on the faces of those not only being honored, but also those there to celebrate just being a part of Stonebelt. I enjoyed the ride home with the girls, discussing some of the accomplishments they have made over the past few months. I enjoyed leaving them at their home after a long, long day that suddenly didn’t seem all that long after all. It's good to be reminded and last night I was.

I enjoyed going out despite the hour, and having a cold drink on an extremely hot evening with a co-worker. We have only known each other a few short months, however it was an instant friendship. Thanks Cricket for being a person of ‘like mind’, for being someone that finds her work to be much more than job. Everyone needs someone you can laugh with, someone you can trust, someone you can lean on and someone that simply understands why we do what we do. Cricket gives me that, and I place great value on this friendship.

Last evening I was honored to be able to participate in a true celebration. It allowed me to wake this morning appreciating the opportunity I have to make a difference in someone's life ... and in mine. I really do love what I do. In the words of one of the women in the home "How awesome is that".

How Sweet it is ....

2010-06-20T12:13:00.005-04:00

Growing up I remember watching Jackie Gleason and The Honeymooners. Years ago Ralph Kramden always reminded me of Dad. In fact we have a picture of Dad and Pop(his Dad) that comes to mind when I see The Honeymooners. They are standing side by side at the garage 'uptown' - I love that picture. I recall shortly after Dad passed away ... we buried him the week before Father's Day, seeing a segment of the show and realizing that the resemblance I saw as a little girl wasn't the same as what I see now. Oh, I can still imagine Dad saying "How sweet it is!" and meaning it; but the similarities would stop there. Indulge me . . .

Ralph was always coming home and saying, "one of these days Alice, one of these days." Can't say that I ever heard Dad say "one of these days Eleanor, one of these days." Nope, Dad didn't look to the future, because he was so content with the present. Dad loved life and the here and now. You never heard Dad comparing our lifestyle to others. You took what you had and you were content. Unlike Ralph, Dad didn't come home after work complaining that others had things we didn't. Hard work and sweat is what made you feel good and got you what you deserved. If you wanted it - you worked for it. That was the way Dad was - plain and simple.

I didn't think about it back then - but something else Dad had on Ralph - he had a family. Ralph came home everyday to Alice; but there were no pictures of family anywhere. Dad came home to Mom and us; family pictures on the refridgerator, walls, dressers, everywhere you looked. We were the reason he went off to work each day - and we were the reason he came home. Ralph came home complaining. Dad came home and enjoyed whoever was home and was happy to spend time with us. Plain and simple.

We become wiser with age - or at least we hope so! I now know Ralph had nothing on Dad. Ralph spent a lifetime of wanting what others had. Not Dad. He worked for what he wanted and he enjoyed it while he could. Dad didn't waste his time wishing or complaining. He loved Mom and he loved us. Plain and simple.

How sweet it is guys, how sweet it is! Dad had a great life and no one was more aware of it or appreciated it more than he. Mom deserves much of the credit because of who she is, but then obviously Dad knew a good think when he saw it and he went for it. Plain and simple.

Today is Father's Day; we will do some remembering and we will smile and some of us will shed a tear or two. Go ahead - just don't complain. Dad wouldn't have wanted it that way. Plain and simple.

A Window of What's to Come

2010-04-20T20:44:00.001-04:00

I remember Monday evenings as a child. It's 7:50 ... time to finish homework, make sure chores were done, and find your seat in front of the television. I might be late for other things; dinner, church, work. But never, no never was I ever late for the start of "Little House on the Prairie". Part of the thrill was watching the beginning, as the wagon of Ingall's came rolling into the TV. You knew that what came next was part of the most important part of the show. You would see scenes or 'windows' of what was to come, and then you sat anxiously waiting for that scene to play out on the show. Then at the completion of the show, once again you sat and waited for the 'previews' ... because this once again gave you a 'window' of what was to come. You were left sitting on the edge of your seats, knowing something good was to come. And you were never disappointed. Yep, I loved Mondays at our house. Those were the good ole' days ... no tivo, no cable, no dvd's. If you didn't see it Monday night, you didn't see it. That's why those 'windows' were so important to see; you snooze - you loose. I loved those 'window' moments.
Last evening I had a 'window' moment. Josh and Monika (oh, and Collin!) moved into my home this weekend. I hadn't mentioned to anyone but the past few months have been lonely. JT has stated he wouldn't be moving back as he settles into Vincinnes, and I was wondering what the future held as I faced it in this house alone. Should I downsize? Should I move back home? Should I ....?
I knew I wouldn't try selling now, not with the economy. Then Josh asked when I was ready, would I consider selling to him and Monika. Of course I had no problem with that! Then they threw me for a loop when they asked if we wanted to go ahead and make the move now. To me ... it was the answer to prayers. I have been lonely, and once I admitted that the more I was aware of how lonely I had become. Especially after the birth of Collin. He has brought far more joy into my life than I ever thought possible. I loved being close enough I could walk to their house and see him on a regular basis. He filled a void in my life that I wasn't even aware existed. I would leave their home to walk to mine and miss that 'family' atmosphere.
But now Josh and his family have moved in. As I type, Monika is busy making the kitchen her's. I told her that wouldn't be a problem - go for it! I want them to know this is their home. I want them to feel at home. So we will make it work, I am confident we can do so.
That window I spoke of .... that scene I had a glimpse of last evening? When I headed to my room to settle down for the evening; I didn't go quietly which has been my pattern of late. No, I first hugged Collin, and said goodnight to all. I didn't shut off the lights, lock the doors and quietly settled in. I left to the sound of loved ones .... this is the 'window' I saw.
This is the scene I am going to see played out in my future. This is the 'preview' to what is to come. This is the glimpse of what's to come and you know it's worth the wait.
I have seen the previews .... and once again find myself sitting on the edge of my seat waiting for the show to begin! I think I am going to like this show and pray it has a long run!

Mountaintop Experiences

2010-02-14T12:19:00.005-05:00

I remember back in the late 80's, we lived in Colorado Springs and on weekends we would often take off camping. I mean; load up the car - not the camper - and take off. We would travel up Cheyenne Mountain; up past Cripple Creek to Eleven Mile Canyon. To this day I can't think of a place that is more beautiful. We would put up the tent and just enjoy the surroundings. John would fish for trout (but we ate a lot of hamburger!), I would read, the boys; who were still infants, would be close by playing on a blanket. We go to sleep and wake to snow on our tent, but it would be gone by 10:00 a.m. We see deer, elk and moose. Mountains to the left and right, in front and behind. A spectacular sight. I am smiling now as I recall these memories. I would hate to see Sunday roll around for we'd have to pack it all in and head back down. Life on top of that mountain was wonderful. For those few days we lived life at it's best. We didn't want to leave. We didn't want to have to go back to 'reality'. We wanted to stay ... I loved our mountaintop experience. I remember thinking 'I can reach out and practically touch God from here' and I didn't want to leave.

I so enjoyed our worship time today. Pastor Leah gave the message (Transfiguration Sunday) the scripture was from Luke 9. Jesus went off to a mountain with Peter, James, and John. The three witnessed God speaking and saw the transfiguration of Christ, and was in awe of Him. And I believe it was Peter (oh how I love Peter!) said 'Lord it is good that we are here with you, let us put up three tents, shelters, dwelling places (depending upon your translation). Peter wanted to stay there .... put up dwelling places and park it right there.

I can relate to Peter. He had a mountaintop experience too, and he didn't want to leave. He wanted to pitch tents and just stay put. From the top of the mountains, you can see other mountaintops, you can see grandeur, you can look down into the valleys - but not have to live in the valleys.

I recall a song back in the late 70's - Amy Grant (it was my first Contemporary Christian Album - My Father's Eyes) had a song "Mountain Top".

I love to sing and I love to pray,
Worship the Lord most every day.
I go to the temple, and I just want to stay
To hide from the hustle of the world and its ways.

And I'd
Love to live on a mountain top,
Fellowshipping with the Lord.
I'd love to stand on a mountain top,
'Cause I love to feel my spirit
Soar....

But I've got to come down
>From the mountain top
To the people in the valley below;
They'll never know
That they can go
To the mountain of the Lord.

Now praising the Father is a good thing to do,
To worship the Trinity in spirit and truth.
But if we worshipped all of the time,
Well, there would be no one to lead the blind.

But I'd
Love to live on a mountain top,
Just fellowshipping with the Lord.
And I'd love to stand on a mountain top,
'Cause I love to feel my spirit
Soar.... (Soar....)

But I've got to come down
>From the mountain top
To the people in the valley below;
They'll never know
That they can go
To the mountain of the Lord.

I am not saying that worship is wrong,
But worship is more than just singin' some songs,
'Cause it's all that we say and everything that we do;
It's letting God's Spirit live through you.

Still, I'd
Love to live on a mountain top
Fellowshipping with the Lord.
I'd love to stand on a mountain top,
'Cause I love to feel my spirit
Soar.... (Soar....)

Oh how magnificent those mountaintops can be. We would love to stay. Yet, if we don't come down, God's people will never know. If we don't come down - you can't get to the next mountaintop. Many things have happened since I last visited Cheyenne Mountain and Eleven Mile Canyon. I have been divorced, I have lost a sister to cancer, I have gone through cancer along with a another sister, I lost my personal encourager when Grandma Rose past away, I lost my Dad who was also my friend, I have worried about where the next meal would come from, I have cried as a child drove off to school - not knowing when/if I will see them again.I have experienced many valleys. But each valley led to another mountaintop experience. My divorce allowed me to have greater relationships with my sisters and friends. Sickness and death taught me to love more deeply and to just love more. Going without has taught me to be grateful for what I have and to feed others. Having children has taught me that fears can lead to joys.
We need those valleys, we need to live in those valleys. For it is then that we have no choice but to look up. Remember what I wrote earlier - how when I was on top of Cheyenne Mountain I thought I could reach out and touch God. It was in those valleys that I realized I could still reach out and touch God. I wasn't any closer to Him on that mountain than I was in the depths of the valley. I had grown from my life experiences. Experiences I would not have been able to have if I hadn't trust God enough to live in the valley.

Praise God for the mountaintops ... but also praise Him for the valleys. You want to grow? Trust God and follow Him. More mountaintops await.

I Hate Cancer II

2009-12-21T19:16:00.004-05:00

There comes time when you just sit back and although you have great belief in a God, you question why some things must happen. Like war, famine, cancer. I am aching because I am going to lose a good friend. Not a buddy … but a wonderful gal I enjoyed having conversations with. Cheryl is a vocal advocate for people with disabilities. She and I do not always agree on how the State should fund things, but we could have honest, heartfelt disagreements and walk away from our discussions appreciating our differences. The State of Indiana is going to miss Cheryl Waltermire, and that’s sad because people with disabilities needs more Cheryls.
Tomorrow I am meeting with Cheryl one last time here on earth. Her request. Her phone call earlier this evening blew me out of the water. I hardly recognized her voice. We last meet for lunch a couple of months ago, she used a walker, but she was so positive. She didn’t lie to me about her status … but obviously she wasn’t totally honest with me either. I’ve mentioned it before … I hate Cancer. There is no purpose, it does no good, it only leads to pain, suffering, and much too often – death.
So today I ache for a friendship that is unique. Rarely did Cheryl and I agree, but we were always able to accept our differences and be better people because of it. Cheryl had a quote that summed up her attitude, her vision: "We don't need to be right, we just need to do the right thing". It’s rare to find a friendship where you find ‘your sister’, ‘your sole mate’, ‘your equal’. But maybe even more rare to find someone that is your polar opposite yet ends up being an honest friend.

Oh Cheryl …. I am going to miss our battles. I can promise no tears tomorrow as we meet, because of my prayer warriors. But know that they will flow, not only for my loss but for the loss of those you so vocally advocated for.

2009 Christmas Letter

2009-12-15T15:56:00.001-05:00

Dear One,

Last year when it came time to sit down and think of the ‘word’ to describe my year … I struggled. In fact, at this moment – I can’t even recall the word I went with last year. That makes me sad, because for the most part, each year was cumulated by the word I shared with you. That bothers me now. Usually I knew what ‘word’ I would be using long before I thought about writing my Christmas letter … well, sit back, and take a break – because I’m back! I know exactly what word to use for 2009!

A couple of weeks ago we had a guest minister. He spoke that as we search for a new Pastor, to find one with passion; someone that will inspire us, someone that will challenge us, someone that will encourage us. Passion, it had been missing from my life. Oh, but not this year! So this year my word is “Passion”. Yes, “Passion”. It came back into my life this year.

The first time I felt passionate had to be sometime in February when I heard I was going to be a Grandma. How excited I was, and how joyous I was to share the news. Do you remember how you found out? Some of you by my ’25 Random List’ I emailed you, some at church in mid-February, and some at Tumbleweeds on a Monday night. A few knew before … but very few.

Then when Collin Clay (named after my Dad – which really touched me!) Patterson entered this world on August 27th. I was so in awe of God’s amazing work, and passionately in love with Collin. ”For I am fearfully and wonderfully made” Psalms 139: 14 (One of my favorite chapters in the entire Bible). I looked into Collin’s face and became aware of a whole new, different type of love. He has added a new dimension to my life, and I am so thankful for this gift.

But I think the one thing that probably has changed me; made me more passionate … is getting back into the work I have done for over twenty years … social service. Three years ago I was so burnt out from working 65 – 80 weeks (on salary no less!) that I had no choice but to walk away from it. But about 6 – 8 weeks ago (depending on when I actually finish this!) I went back in the field … this time with StoneBelt. I enjoy going to work. I missed working with the disabled population, and now that I am back at it … realized this is what inspires me, this is what challenges me, this is what I do best – encouraging others. This is where my talent lies; this is where my heart is … this is where my Passion is. I appreciate being away from the work, for I did need the break. But this is where God wants me to be, this I have no doubt. I am not taking on the responsibilities I had before, for that was too much for someone who enjoys being with family and friends as often as I do … but I was good at what I did, and happy to be back at it!

I have been blessed with so much this past year. I love the family God has placed me in, and I love the friends He has given me to enjoy. I want each of you to know that my life is enriched because of you, and I passionately give thanks for each of you.

My wish for you this coming year? That you find something to be passionate about; something that inspires you, something that challenges you, something that encourages you. This Season, as we celebrate the birth of our Savior, may you find a passion for Christ and understand the depths and wonders of His love.

Christmas Joy,

Loretta

1 Corinthians 15:10

2009-12-01T09:09:00.001-05:00

Didn't write this .. but love it!

By Grace Alone*

I am forgiven. I have joy. I love others. I smile in the rain. I am confident. I live. I laugh. I climb mountains. I forgive. I hope. I am happy. I give. I pray through. I am strong. I am kind. I believe. I am a friend. I have peace. I care. I breathe. I stand for truth. I dream. I have a purpose. I approach God. I have a pure heart. I am courageous. I see beauty. I am beautiful. I celebrate. I am thankful. I am content. I soar. I am safe. I am saved. I am blessed. I am a blessing. I am free. I am wise. I have a dwelling place. I am merciful. I am what I am. I am sure. I am enthusiastic. I praise. I have no limits. I press on. I find rest. I move forward. By the grace of God I am what I am.
I Corinthians 15:10

The One Thing ... Christ's Presence

2009-11-23T21:04:00.003-05:00

It seems to get harder every year to find the real meaning of Christmas in today’s society. We are urged to be so ‘politically correct’ that we loose the fact that Christ is the central figure of Christmas. What does the celebration of His birth mean to you? Is it the sacrifice He made for us, or is it the life He gives us that makes Christmas special? Is it the miraculous way He came into this world or the reason He came into this world that brings significance to the season for you?

While lying in bed one night recently, I was telling God how I've been feeling and I began asking Him questions. After I'd asked my last question I realized He was speaking to my heart - you know; in that still small voice that, although it's not audible, it leaves an indelible impression nonetheless. It was as though He was saying to me, "'Loretta, the One Thing is you and Me."

I knew instantly what He meant. As with everything else in the Christian life, it's not about ritual or tradition or even about what Christ did for us. It's about where I stand with him now, today, right this minute. It's about Our relationship. It's about walking with Him daily, turning to Him in every situation, trusting Him with all my cares, my burdens, my concerns. It's about making Him the priority in my life, day by day, moment by moment. It’s about having His presence in my life. Everyday, not just during Advent Season.

And then it occurred to me: my relationship with God is more important than anything. More important than my family. Yes, even my new grandson Collin! I suppose I've always known via head-knowledge that was the way it was supposed to be, but in that brief moment with God, there alone in my room, I realized it in my heart, even to the very core of my being. Once it was lip-service, but at that moment it was so tangible I felt I could reach out and touch it. I felt Christ’s presence. I also realized I'd been so overwhelmed trying to take care of things; my family, home, work, church and other responsibilities that I have neglected my relationship with my Lord. Although it's been a priority to spend time with God and to work on our relationship, it just hadn't seemed possible to fit it into my already overcrowded schedule of late. How could I hope to spend time daily with Him (who I can't see) when I couldn't even seem to take care of those things I can see? But there, in His presence, He spoke the answer to my heart and it seemed as though it was the most logical thing in the world. "Make Me your top priority and all the other priorities will be taken care of."

That night I found my "one thing." And I commit to you now that this holiday season I will hold on to my "one thing." I will hold on to the gift God personally gave me that night - a personal encounter with Him during which He, by virtue of His Holy Spirit, gave me a tangible picture of what Christmas is really supposed to be for me. It's a time to put things in perspective, to get my priorities straight, and to focus my time and energy on drawing closer to God. Nothing is more important. In fact, it's so important that He gave His only Son over to death on a cross so that I would be able to draw close to Him.

I challenge and encourage you in the midst of the hustle and bustle of this holiday season to take a quiet moment to ask God what your "one thing" is for this Christmas season. I guarantee you if you ask Him with all your heart, He will answer you – He did me. For He says in His Word, "You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." (Jeremiah 29:13)

May you feel Christ's presence this Advent Season.

Psalm 109:8

2009-11-17T18:14:00.003-05:00

Tell me ... have you received the hate email circulating around? The one that states: Let's join together and pray for Obama? Sounds good doesn't it ... but then the email goes on to post a biblical scripture with it. Psalms 109:8 - it's among the top goggles the past few days.

For those of you who may not know that particular verse, it reads "May his days be few, may another take over his position." And before anyone excuses this toxic use of scripture as nothing more than the wish that President Obama not be re-elected to a second term of office, the next verse in the psalm reads, "May his children be orphans and his wife a widow".

In fact, the entire chapter is about praying for death of an evil person. Not to mention that anyone who knows enough Bible to have thought about this verse in particular, surely knows the entire chapter and appreciates its message. Pretty scary stuff.

All this is especially upsetting in light of the recent events at Fort Hood. Exactly how long is it going to take us to figure out the danger of linking faith claims and violent fantasies?

The issue is not the scripture quoted or the name by which God is called by those doing the praying. The issue is invoking the God in whom any of us believe, to act as executioner of those with whom we disagree.

From Major Hassan who murdered 13 and wounded 30 more, to whomever might step in on behalf of a "Christian nation" to make the words of the Psalm 109 a reality, each was inspired by prayers and scriptural readings not unlike those of the millions who made verse 8 a top Google search this week. There is no place for such prayers in any of our faiths and until we all stand up and say so, at least a little blood will be on all of our hands.

We should be praying for our leaders in a positive way. Praying they make right decisions, that God will guide them in the right direction. It doesn't matter what Person is in office because as long as man is in charge it's not going to always be popular. Those individuals that are professing this "Pray for Obama - Ps 109:8" crap are in many cases the same individuals that were horrified over Rev. Jeremiah Wright speaking out against our country.

For many, the slogan is just a humorous way to express disapproval for President Obama. Perhaps, those who support the slogan “Pray for Obama: Psalm 109:8" should read Matthew 7:1-2: “Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use.” Oh, and I think there is a verse or two to be found in the Bible that mentions "Loving our Neighbors". Like it or not ... President Obama is our neighbor.

No matter your political preface, no matter your religious preface, no matter the color of your skin, or the way your name is spelled: sending deflamatory emails asking people to pray for our Leaders death is wrong.

Will you stand up and say so? I pray so.

How Do You Give?

2009-11-08T11:40:00.005-05:00

It's getting time to consider tithing at church, and how simple it would be to just fill out the card and turn it in. But it's not meant to be that simple. I wish we could fill out our pledge cards like the youth did back when JT was in the first grade. As a family we sat and talked about what each of us could do. The children at our church also filled out pledge cards, and the boys agreed to give a portion of their allowance each week. Their cards also had other ways they could give. I remember the options included: serving as Acolyte, passing out bulletins, cleaning up after Sunday School, drawing pictures for Bulletins, etc. Then there was a blank space designated as "Other". I remember asking JT if there was anything else he could think of and put down. JT looked seriously at me and said "Mom, I give good hugs, I will promise to hug some old lady every Sunday". Well, I may not have written it down word for word ... in fact I am pretty sure I left out that "old lady" part. But JT kept that pledge, and those 'old ladies' looked forward to JT's hugs each Sunday. I realize many years later what a gift that was when a young first grader came up to me and hugged me. I am pleased to say that JT, maybe because of a pledge many years ago, is still a great hugger!
We know that Josh isn't the hugging type ... it's not his thing. But Josh has a wonderful, generous heart. I remember ... as a young mother who learned from the best - to always wrap their children up for the winter weather. My boys were dressed like the little brother in "A Christmas Story", the one that was so wrapped up he couldn't put his arms down. I had to do this ... they had to wait at a bus stop, and I had to make sure they were safe and warm - that's what mothers do. One morning I was 'preparing' them for the winter elements, and couldn't find Josh's scarf. They had a designated place to keep their items, so when I couldn't find it, I questioned Josh. He looked at me and simply said "Mom, there was a boy at the bus stop without gloves and a hat." I was proud of Josh to think of sharing what he had, and gave him an extra pair of gloves to give to the boy that day if he still wasn't wearing them. One of the things we do as a church every year is our Mitten Tree, and I love knowing that Josh as an adult purchases items to put on that tree. What I saw a few years ago reminded me of the bus incident. We had gone to Indianapolis to listen to the Symphony, it was a cold evening in February. After the concert we went out for pizza and had leftovers so put it in a box to take home. We were walking the few blocks to the car, and had to walk by some homeless men sitting under an overpass. My 'mother' antenna was up and I was alert and watching to make sure no harm was done to my sons. Josh walked over to two men, gave them the pizza, took off his hat and gloves and gave them to the men. Nothing said, nothing expressed. JT, seeing what his brother had done, turned around and went and did likewise.
Years later, they may still not be in a position to pledge much in a financial sense - JT still a starving student and all - but they give. They give of their time, their talents and their hearts. What does the Lord require of us? "He has showed you, O man, what is good; and what does the LORD require of you, but to do justly, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God?" Micah 6:8.
He shows us in the action of our Youth .... may we take the time to notice. They give much more than we often see. Our Youth is our future; these Youth are our heart.

Follow me as I follow Christ

2009-10-16T11:44:00.003-04:00

Our goal as Christian parents is to produce spiritually mature adults, ready to serve the Lord in any way he directs. We work toward that goal by loving our children as God loves us and by setting a Christ-like example for them to follow. But even then we’ve only begun. The next step is urgent, and may best be introduced by these instructions to Timothy: “But as for you, continue in what you have learned and have become convinced of, because you know those from whom you learned it, and how from infancy you have known the holy Scriptures, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith in Christ. All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work” (2 Tim. 3:14-17, NIV).
That last statement describes the very person I want to produce--a man of God thoroughly equipped for every good work. How can I know I brought Josh & JT to that place? We know that parents play a huge role in shaping what their children become. As the twig is bent, so the tree is inclined. God gives us our children for 18 or 19 or 20 years (or in Jarryd Thomas Patterson's case - 21 years and counting!) What we do with those years will stay with them for life and ultimately for eternity.
What part does influence play? Godly influence by itself cannot guarantee the salvation of our children. Salvation is a work of the Holy Spirit. But God does use means. He uses godly parents to help produce godly offspring.
We all know that godly parents may have ungodly kids. There are Esaus and there are Jacobs. But godly parents do make a difference! Paul says “Follow me as I follow Christ.” How many of us as parents would dare to say that to our children? Yet that is precisely what we should say. As a single parent through most of the boys child rearing years, I struggled to know if I was doing my job as a Christian mother. In the early years after my divorce, I believed I had failed as a Christian wife, so why shouldn't I have doubts about being a Christian mother. I made sure that Josh and JT learned who Christ was, and that they knew He was a member of our family. As they were going through Confirmation, as a family we wrote our Family Creed, it still hangs in my home- signed by each of us. It goes:
Each one of us residing in this home is a valued member of our family. We will treat each other with the respect and love due them. We will give encouragement when one of us feels discouraged. We will do our part to see that our house is a home where we can find rest and comfort.
We will lean on each other for support and allow others to lean on us when they are in need of strength. When life becomes chaotic we will remind each other to slow down and replenish the soul.
We will proudly announce that our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, is a member of our family. We will seek Him out in time of need and give thanks in time of plenty. We will turn to Him daily and seek His guidance.
We will remember that by ourselves we stand alone, but together we stand united and strong.

As the boys grew in stature, I became aware that they were also growing in Christ. Both of them attended Chrysalis during their Sophomore year of high school and sponsored friends when they were eligible, they were active in FCA and Youth activities including counseling at Camp PYOCA and Mission trips. Each gave sermons at church during their Senior year in high school, and JT has given a couple of others since then and he often gave Children sermons. But all this happened while living at home with me, under my influence, under my rules. When the boys left to go off to college I was so thankful to see that one of the first things they did was find a church. This is when I thought 'maybe I didn't do such a bad job after all'. I knew all along I would never be my mother ... who could! But I was starting to believe the job I had started, was being continued by Josh and JT themselves. Could there be a prouder moment?

I realized the answer to that question the past couple of months. And the answer is YES! The proudest moment is when your children have children, and you see that the values you had as a parent, they too have. It is when you walk into their home and see your son, now a father, playing his guitar and singing bible songs to his infant son. It is when your grandson is ill and you see your grown son praying for his well being. It is when you see your son loving his wife as his best friend.

I am a proud mother; for with God's help I have been able to produce two men of God - thoroughly equipped for every good work. God is good.

I have a reason to worship.

2009-10-08T08:45:00.000-04:00

I was just listening to Tear Down the Walls this morning. In the CD, there’s also a re-recording of the 'Desert Song'. I love this song, but I admit that last line causes me to think.

All of my life, in every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship

Don't we only worship because there is something worthy of our adoration? Or is that just me? I may go to Worship, because it's Sunday and I am expected to be there. But I don't always feel worshipful. It may be (and usually is) because I am not right with God, it may be because I don't agree with what's being preached, but most often it's because I am not right with God.

This is when I have to go back to the line "You are still God". You are still God, no matter what. Whether my heart is right, or whether it isn't. You are still God, whether I praise you or if I don't. You are still God.

You are still God in EVERY season. Therefore, regardless of whether I feel like it I will sing Your praises, I will worship You.

As Job declared, “Though He slay me, yet will I hope in Him” (Job 13:15). In other words, my reason for praising and worshipping God is God alone. Had Job relied on God’s blessing and tangible mercies to worship God, he might have rather taken his wife’s advice to “Curse God and die” (Job 2:9). Instead, Job understood that simply because God is God is reason enough to sing His praises, reason to worship.

All of my life, in every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship

Maybe when I am at church on Sundays, I should focus on Worshiping God, and not my attitude. Maybe if I did this I would find a worshipful heart, and lose my self pity. Maybe I need to remember that I have a reason to worship not only on Sundays, but every day, every moment, every event, every tear.

Maybe I just need to trust God, and find reason with that alone to worship Him.

I hate Cancer

2009-10-02T21:44:00.001-04:00

I am really missing my sister tonight. Today, Kristen's (my nephew's wife) brother passed away from cancer. J.D. was only 13. Life is full of questions, and that is one I ponder over and over .... why? J.D. had a wonderful life, a wonderful family, a wonderful community. Now that life is gone, and a family and community are hurting. What good comes from J.D.'s death? What good came from Joannie's death? In both cases it came to a point where we had to pray for their release because we did not want their suffering to continue. It was unfair for us to do otherwise. But that doesn't mean we accepted their death; their separation from us. We ache, and that ache does not diminish with time. I know people try to tell you it does. But it doesn't. We accept death with parents ... we understand that timing. But not a sibling, and not at such a young age such as 13. It wasn't an accident ... it was Cancer! It wasn't someone's foolish mistake ... it was Cancer. And long after they have left us, that cancer can enter our hearts and reside for years. I know ... it still lives in mine. I am not talking about the cancer I lived with and survived. I am talking about a cancer caused by hurt, by loss.
I think I have grown, moved on, whatever word or phrase you chose. But then days like today come along, days like J.D. ... and I realize that cancer is still there ... that it still resides in a corner of my heart. And when days like today come along .... it awakens.

I remember those last days with Joannie, the boys and I said our goodbyes to Joannie on Saturday before her death and went home. I often wondered what my siblings thought of me leaving like that. It wasn't my character ... but they all thought I needed to go home and get ready for Josh's graduation that next weekend.
The truth of the matter is ..... on Tuesday, May 31st I went in and had a lump removed from my breast. I had convinced myself that it would either be calcium deposits from caffeine like I had 15 years ago - or that it would be benign. I was wrong. It was cancerous, but it was small and I have been on tamoxifen and did not have to deal with chemo. I didn't intend to keep it a secret - but I was waiting for the right time to share it.
At that time, Joannie was dying and we all knew it, then two days later - she did. We were all busy - there was Josh's graduation and open house, then Joannie's viewing and service. Giving the eulogy was a very difficult thing to get through - but I was honored to give it on behalf of the siblings. Each of us had the right to grieve and putting my ordeal on them was not fair. What I had to deal with was nothing compared to Joannie, or even Patty. They are the hero's that showed me how to handle the past years. You take what life gives you and you make the most of it. I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength - and I am thankful for the upbringing I had where I learned to 'believe'. I do believe and my faith has carried me through many battles. I knew this was another one I could get through.
There had been plenty of times I planned to share my 'news'. When the girls were together with Mom that first year in Nashville for Sept. 14th - I wanted to tell them, but I couldn't. When we were in Orlando the following Feb. - again I wanted to - but couldn't. Throughout this process - I hadn't said anything to the boys either. The reality of what cancer will do to people - and watching it take Aunt Joannie was difficult for them - and I didn't want to cause any unnecessary fear. My intention was to tell them ... eventually. I thought when it was right to say something - first it would be the boys, then Mom and our sisters, then the rest of my siblings.
When I celebrated my first year of clean health, it was a silent celebration. That was when I decided to share my experience with the boys. Of course they were scared, upset (actually pissed might be a better word!), worried, but ultimately relieved.
We all have our battles in life. Some we win, some we lose. I am not the first in our family to struggle with cancer .... but I have been able to be strengthened by the example I saw first in Joannie and then in Patty. I also felt my battle in no way compared to theirs. What a fight Joannie gave - ultimately cancer won, but what a fight she gave it. I was proud to be her sister. Patty battled breast cancer and because of technology and medication she was able to triumph over it - but it was her demeanor and faith that gave me courage. She continued to live and work despite her battle. She was my role model and again - I am proud to be her sister. I am embarrassed to compare my battle with theirs ... for in no way is there a likeness. What they had to fight through with the chemo and multiple rounds of radiation; I was blessed not to have experienced. I am thankful for that.

That cancer is gone …but another has appeared/returned. This cancer is called fear. Who will be next? Surely another loved one will fall prey to cancer. Who will it be?

Please God; not Josh, JT, Collin, Monika, Lizz …… I pray not. I hope not. But I fear so. My list is much longer than those mentioned. More family and dear, needed friends. I pray not. I hope not. But yes Lord, I do fear so.

Get out of the building!

2009-10-02T10:04:00.000-04:00

The best way to kill a church is to squeeze the whole thing into a building. For without contact with people in need and publicly witnessing faith and trust in Jesus, a church will quietly die! ...

Bob Snyder

I am working on our Churh's PNC committee and we seem to have different perspectives ... which is what is right ... but it also ruffles my feathers! Particularly this week has this been evident. Our Church has a beautiful, roomy, useful church building. I love it, it does meet the needs of our Church. But it is not our Church! Our Church is the people we are, and the ministry we perform outside the walls that confine us on Sunday mornings. One gentleman in particular seems to dwell on the church building.This has given me more than a singular headache, and has led me to more than one margarita following meetings.
I know I am only one voice on the committee and need to be open to what others say. But come on .... I really just want a more community mission-minded committee, church and Pastor.
I want us to get out of the building!

Just voicing my frustrations.

Being a Grandma

2009-09-26T10:09:00.000-04:00

Yesterday, then again last evening I was privileged to babysit the most precious child I have held in 21 years. Collin and Grandma time equals heaven. He is starting to smile and looks into your eyes and stare. I found out I could loose myself in those eyes. Who knows what he will grow up to be, but I know he will grow up knowing that Christ laid down His life for Collin, and I would too. When I arrived at his home last evening after Bible Study, I found Josh playing his guitar in Collin's room trying to put him to sleep. I can't begin to tell you what joy filled my heart at that sight. It didn't last long though ... why was Josh putting Collin down just as Grandma 'Retta arrived? I wanted to hold him. After Josh left, I couldn't contain myself ... I had to hold Collin. So of course I took him out of his crib and while still sleeping held him close to my heart so he could hear the beat. He is one of the reasons it beats on.
Grandma 'Retta loves you so much Collin Clay.

Sister Time

2009-09-22T21:56:00.000-04:00

This past weekend was our annual time with Mom ... and for the first time we were short two. Nancy, after surprising us last year about going back to Mission work, is off to Sudan. Lynette was home being Mom ... and that is a wonderful job that requires you to sometimes miss out on things you'd rather be a part of. We had fantastic weather ... enabling us to have a campfire. Fellowship was great ... nothing beats time spent with sisters that are also some of your closest friends. Lots of laughs, little sleep, lots of food, trips to Peachy's and Swary's equal a successful outing.
Thank you Sis' ... you make me feel loved and special.

2009-09-22T12:57:00.000-04:00

"I am only one, but I am one. I can not do everything, but I can do something. I will not let what I can not do interfere with what I can do." Edward Everett Hale